I frequent a dating advice community often and enjoy reading the posts. Every other day, I’ll come across a post where a woman expresses frustration with dating, only to be bombarded with comments telling her to lower her standards. She is often accused of subconsciously seeking the “top % of men.”
In one post, a woman explained she’s looking for a man who is fit, has a stable and well-paying career, wants to get married and have a family, isn’t more than five years older than her, and is someone she finds attractive. Yet, commenters told her that her standards were too high and that she probably wasn’t “special” enough to get this sort of guy. They suggested she lower her standards and date down.
So, what constitutes high standards for women? Is it wrong to want a partner they actually find physically attractive and are genuinely interested in? Is it unreasonable to want someone who isn’t obese or overweight? Is it too much to ask for a partner with a good job that provides a stable income?
Should women lower their standards, and if so, what is the goal of doing so? As a woman who expects her partner to contribute equally to the relationship, I believe high standards are essential. I know how to run a household, I’m a decent cook, I earn a good salary, I have friends and hobbies, I care for others, I communicate issues effectively, I take care of my body, I dress well, and when I commit, I’m all in.
I don’t want anyone who contributes less. My standard is simple: “I want my life to be better with you than my life alone.” The vast majority of men do not meet that standard because I’m pretty happy on my own, and they come with downsides and not many benefits.
I’m great at taking care of myself, so settling for a guy who doesn’t fulfill me sexually? Nope. I love my home, so settling for a guy who makes it less comfortable? Nope. I enjoy my life with friends and family, so settling for a guy who brings drama? Nope. I’m happy alone, so am I going to settle for a guy I’m not into? Nope.
Some women may have silly standards, but if a woman is happier alone than settling for a partner who doesn’t meet her standards, then her standards are just fine. It’s about self-respect and knowing what one deserves. High standards are not about being unrealistic; they are about valuing oneself and seeking a partner who enhances one’s life.
To all the women out there with high standards: Stay strong and true to yourself. You deserve someone who makes your life better, not someone who just fills a void
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